I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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