This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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