so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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