a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
