I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
