My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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