I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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