Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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