I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
