Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
