Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
