i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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