oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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