Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
