It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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