I wanna passion pit in your ass
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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