last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
