Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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