I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
