who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
