Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize