All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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