I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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