Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
