this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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