we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
