did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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