We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
