9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
