sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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