forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I sprained my soul last night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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