no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
