I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
