Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
NoShamevember. You game?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
