a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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