Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
