I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
