In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
