they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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