i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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