the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
