You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
And then he peed in my hair
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