I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
