I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
