Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
