You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
