Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
