im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
