My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
