so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
