God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
