i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
