Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
