I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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