I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize