i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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