Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize