please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
