The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
