we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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