8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We talked him into tasing himself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
