Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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