I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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