Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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