if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
